One Starless Night in JHB

Do people really realize how important it is to choose a friend as a life partner?

I hope that most people do, because when life is kicking your ass so hard it starts looking like a badly dubbed Karate movie, you really do need someone to translate adequately what reality looks like.

God know why, but my life is in a giant funk right now.

There is some weird shift happening inside me. And its not indigestion.

Last night I fell deeper in love.

I fell in love with the Westcliff Hotel and its view, which has been earmarked for our wedding night.

I fell in love with my future husband even more, when he smiled at me and told me that everything was going to be ok. And when he said it never matters where we are or what we are doing, every night is a beautiful night as long as we together.

And strangely enough, I fell in love with my culture.

Last night I realized that no matter how much I believed I was like the rest, I was not one of them,

People will always criticize my religion, and my culture, because of the "Backwards" beliefs.

And to a certain degree I was the same, I did not want to be boxed, I want to be a forward thinker.

But what’s wrong with preserving a culture? A religion? Or any belief? My best friend once said: "If we all the same, it would be so boring". And she is right.

Culture and Religion may bring a lot of pain to the world, but it also adds beauty and diversity. Like my mum's spice tin with all its Fragrances and jewel colours.

And mostly the thing about culture is that it unites us. In your community you are not on the outside looking in.

People in Islam, have fun without Alcohol fuelling their bodies. Their jokes and stories are different, but they having fun anyway?

I think that each person deserves the right to believe what they want to believe, and it makes me very sad that people do not treat those that are different with kindness.

The Rule Book

I know I am having a very philosophical week, but bear with me.

So since I have registered into Realisation 101; I have become aware of the fact that some person drew up a rule book. And this rule book stated how soon to be married people, should do things.

Let's use the the Honeymoon planning as exhibit A.

The rules state that they guy has to do all the planning and and pay for the entire trip.

I am all for the paying part. You just sold yourself into a mordern version of slavery anyway!

Ok, its really not that bad, but you will be picking up his crap from the floor, cooking, picking up knocked over bottles in the shower, closing the toothpaste, and of course hearing him fart.

I have no illusions about marriage, but if I am going to put up with anyone's bad habits, I would choose the evolved monkey I am marrying.

At least he tries to clean up and will chop the veggies or lay the table. And he is so cute! Which means I can forgive him for his faults.

Anyway, I am a PMS MONSTER!!!! And I cry.....ALOT......

I also have the attention span of a goldfish

Back to my point about the honeymoon......

The planning is a very important part. And we decided to break the rules and plan ours together. And you know what? It is alot of fun! We both getting what we want. There will be no guessing games and no disappointments.

The bestest part though is the bonding. It is our first overseas holiday together, and we a team, we share everything, even this.

I just think that every couple should do what makes them happy and what sits comfortably with them.

I mean who wrote a rule book?????? Who decided how things should be done?

People say its tradition and its romantic.

Well I don't like tradition....

And what if my version of romantic is different to yours?

There is so much expectation in society because there are all these rules written. Like what age you should get married and when you should have kids, and how to raise them.

I think we all entitled to do as we please and frankly who the hell are "they" anyway?

They sound like a bunch of know it all twats.

The best way to enjoy life is to live it by your rules. Because your experience is yours and it is very private and intimate, and no one can really see the world as you do.

Weeds

Some days things just don’t seem funny,

In fact the whole world looks pretty damn bleak.

Today is one of those days…………

I have learnt about the politics of planning a wedding.

It’s like somehow the wedding stops being about you and starts being about everyone else.

I had kind of lost my excitement through the constant tension that seems to surround it

My Fiancé was mugged and shot a few years ago and he said that the greatest lesson that he learnt from life was that it was only in times of need that you realize who your true friends are.

I usually refer to this as God weeding your life. And I must say that my garden is looking pretty bare. All the plants that I once thought were beautiful are actually just poisonous, strangling and soul destroying weeds.

On the bright side there are those genuine, rare and breathtaking flowers that fill my heart with glee whenever I look at them. And the best part of clearing the junk is that you see them more clearly.

We often focus on all the negative, and let it control our lives. That means that you never really experience the good that is happening right now.

Ok, I am done being all soppy and philosophical, but do take my advice and give the weeds the middle finger and add some profanity in for good measure.

I am only getting married once (Well at least to this guy). So it is crucial to enjoy and savor every minute!

Smug Married People

What I will miss most after I get married is being the voice for every single girl out there that is honestly happy with her life.

Recently a good friend of mine had her feathers ruffled by one of those smug married woman that insist on making the unmarried woman feel as if they somehow lacking.

It was similar to my encounter with Purdah girl but slightly more annoying.

You see my friend is currently completing her Master Degree in some fancy new law related thing that involves Telecommunications. She also has a beautiful spacious, two bedroom apartment on the beachfront and has a kick ass, high paying job. She also has good friends, a great guy, and a fantastic family.

She may not be perfect, after all she is just human and has her issues with life as anyone else, but she is happy with her lifestyle, and she certainly doesn’t feel as if she is lacking.

However, this smug girl she knows from high school calls her because she is town to ask her if she would like to go out for coffee.

My friend is always happy to keep in touch with people, so she agrees. This is when the smug girl starts asking her what she is doing, and with every answer my friend gives her, she replies: “Shame”

But apparently cooking for yourself and living by yourself is shameful!!!!!!

It’s like somehow cooking for her husband is much better and of course, living down the road from her parents, in the same Indian area she grew up in is the height of success.

My friend chatted to me after the encounter and said: “Why do married people always think we lacking?”

And immediately I was in full defense mode, until it dawned on me that I was getting married.

It was a bittersweet moment, I could no longer be apart of the single woman lib that had been my clique for so long.

While I love my Fiancé and I look forward to our life together, I will miss giving it back to the smug married people and even worse, the smug married people with kids.

Single girls are not lacking, they out having fun.

They spend their money on themselves and they never have to pick socks up from the floor or deal with snoring.

I am really going to miss being single, but I promise never to get smug.

Tupperware

Today something strange happened

I requested a Tupperware Catalogue, and then I looked through it with much glee and enthusiasm, until I realized what I was doing.

I then froze and sat silently for a few seconds.

I looked down at my body, and everything looked intact.

I took out my mirror, checked my face……I really need to get my eyebrows shaped…..but everything is as it should.

I breathe a sigh of relief.

I had not morphed into a Samoosa Making Indian Aunty.

Then I closed the catalogue and did a few minutes of introspection.

It appears that no matter where you live, or what you experience, or how smart and posh you may think you are. All Indian woman will order expensive Tupperware Containers when getting married.

You see in an Indian household, there are usually too separate sets of plasticware.

There is the cheaper, bought in bulk, no name variety that you can store all you leftover food in. And there is always leftovers. These also work for any Masala, Marinades and spices.

Of course you should not forget the ones you use to freeze stuff. Indian woman prepare an assortment of food stuff and stick it in the deep freezer.

The deep freezer is also a must for an Indian woman. In fact they should just give you one when they give you your wedding ring.

Anyway, the second variety of plasticware is the original Tupperware. These pricey plastic beauties are very precious to an Indian Woman and are used mostly for cakes and biscuits.

If anyone dares to put food in it, they will suffer a long and excruciating death for the destroying Tupperware with curry……..

You also do not place the customary package of food that you present your guests with, when they leave an actual Tupperware container. In fact, this is why all butter and margarine containers are washed and kept, so that you can give your guest food to take home without loosing plasticware.

My mum keeps two separate cupboards for her differing plasticware. And this is when I realized: “Hey, I need some of these for my house”. So I e-mailed one of my friends that sells the stuff and asked for the catalogue.

We know where that lead……….

Not to go against the rules of Indianism. My Tupperware friend is married and has a son. It is like a private club for married woman.

I can’t believe that instead of buying the pair of black boots I want, I am going to “invest” in Tupperware.

You really can’t escape culture!