One Starless Night in JHB

Do people really realize how important it is to choose a friend as a life partner?

I hope that most people do, because when life is kicking your ass so hard it starts looking like a badly dubbed Karate movie, you really do need someone to translate adequately what reality looks like.

God know why, but my life is in a giant funk right now.

There is some weird shift happening inside me. And its not indigestion.

Last night I fell deeper in love.

I fell in love with the Westcliff Hotel and its view, which has been earmarked for our wedding night.

I fell in love with my future husband even more, when he smiled at me and told me that everything was going to be ok. And when he said it never matters where we are or what we are doing, every night is a beautiful night as long as we together.

And strangely enough, I fell in love with my culture.

Last night I realized that no matter how much I believed I was like the rest, I was not one of them,

People will always criticize my religion, and my culture, because of the "Backwards" beliefs.

And to a certain degree I was the same, I did not want to be boxed, I want to be a forward thinker.

But what’s wrong with preserving a culture? A religion? Or any belief? My best friend once said: "If we all the same, it would be so boring". And she is right.

Culture and Religion may bring a lot of pain to the world, but it also adds beauty and diversity. Like my mum's spice tin with all its Fragrances and jewel colours.

And mostly the thing about culture is that it unites us. In your community you are not on the outside looking in.

People in Islam, have fun without Alcohol fuelling their bodies. Their jokes and stories are different, but they having fun anyway?

I think that each person deserves the right to believe what they want to believe, and it makes me very sad that people do not treat those that are different with kindness.

Fear? ...............What Exactly??

While I may comment on the bizarre and entertaining aspects of my culture and religion, I have to say that there are certain things that are actually pretty awesome.

The week before my engagement people kept asking me if I was nervous. And I kept saying I was fine.

But the more people asked, the more I kept expecting that this nervous feeling should spring up at any point.

By the time the engagement arrived I was sitting around waiting for it to arrive, but nothing happened.

I prodded different emotions and thoughts trying to get this feeling going, but nothing was happening.

I began feeling like an emotionless freak!

Where were my nerves? Everyone else has nerves!!! I want my nerves dammit! I deserve nerves like everyone else!

I guess it was a case of wanting everything to feel exactly the way people say its going to be.

But that is the thing I has realized about life, things never feel the way it did for anyone else. Every experience is unique.

So I arrive at the engagement and its all delayed and stuff – that is a whole other story. This meant I had to chill at my cousins house till I got the green light. At this point I thought: “oooh, maybe now the nerves and excitement will kick in”

Nothing

I am an alien. I knew it all along. Any minute now my real race will come down in a zen like space ship and take me back to planet “Unruffled”. We will do yoga all day and spend hours meditating. Or maybe they just a bunch of stoners on this planet....

Anyway.........

I was worried. Why was I so calm????????

I got bored of worrying eventually and checked my awesome make up and hair and fluffed my beautiful designer dress. My picture got taken, I posed and had a merry old time.

Finally I arrive, and I am seated on this cool white couch awaiting the arrival of Lemon Sorbet aka My Fiancé.

When I saw him walk in I figured out why I was so calm.

I had nothing to fear. Because I knew he was the one, no doubts, no second guesses.

And part of the reason I had no doubts was because of this event itself.

He was going to put a ring on my finger in front of everyone that meant something to us.

I don’t have to fear he would leave or that it was hoax. I had nothing to fear because he was an honorable man, who is brave enough to say “She is the one” in front of our community, friends and gossip mongers.

He was real. This was real. And I could trust him.

While the one knee and ring scenario is very romantic, this to me; was more romantic.

It was like he had nothing to hide, no deceit, and all his love to share.

Tradition can be so tear jerking sometimes

The Announcement

I always pictured my life a little differently when all this would happen,

But I think that is because I watch way too much TV, you know where you announce that you are getting married and everyone gets all excited and tells you how amazing it is.

The reaction that I received was slightly different. My friends were naturally happy for me, I guess because they know me,

My work colleagues kind of upset me the most, because I got one of three reactions:
1 - Is the guy rich?
2 - Is it an arranged marriage?
3 - Are you pregnant?

Granted, I had never mentioned said guy before to anyone, but that is because I decided to keep my private life private. And what's wrong with that? I mean how many people are actually friends with the people that they work with?

But it was the comments that led me to wonder what their assumptions were of me, my family and my community.

So I was a materialistic female from a supressed background with whore like tendencies.......I was kind of hurt.I mean, I didnt even get a congrats from most of them.

I realised that regardless of the fact that I was from a open minded family and that I had gone to a good school and a had a University degree, dress like them, talk like them, and go to the same places that they do. I was not one of them.

By them I mean - Not Indian and definately Not Muslim,

Regardless of who I was, suddenly people were asking if I was going to change the way I dress and whether I would carry on working, once I was married.

I was trying to figure it out in my head? Why would you assume I would be any different?

Why was being a certain religion and culture so bad? I mean, my parents are normal people. They just follow a belief, like everyone else.

I am not gonna suddenly wear a veil over my face and sit at home and pop out kids! I was still going to become an award winning director and win an oscar one day!

What upset me even more was the assumption about my future husband. I mean, they judge him without knowing him. Poor guy. He loves how I dress and he supports my career 100%. We just two kids who fell in love.

On the other side of the fence I had the family.

Oh yes, that was another expereince all together

Reactions were:
1 - Finally!
2- So nice, I knew she would find someone eventually
3 - See! Every pot has its lid
4 - We use to pray for her, we so happy she finally found someone

I was all like: so there was something wrong with me all this time? Who knew??

It was as if I had finally achieved something in my life.

No one reacted this way when I graduated? Or when my first show went on air? Or when I got promoted?

It was like I was finally ok.

As I said previously. Cold water. Ice Cold water poured all over me,

I can see the world as it is and its very sad,

Why all this fixation on marriage as some sort of major life changing event?

I thought it was a union of two people that loved each other, saying: "We in this for the long haul"

And so I realised, that I had many challenges ahead of me