SG

So between all the death and illness I have been seeing lately, I have come to realize that there is a lot to be grateful for and that life can be seemingly trivial at times.

I was looking at wedding cakes when I got the news that someone I considered a friend and had worked closely with for two years had passed away. She had been in coma for two weeks prior and I really believed she would recover.

Her death also made me realize that I have many gifts and that I should say thank you everyday for them.

On the other side of the fence however I was still been bombarded with questions by what I am going to call the SG. The Serial Gossipers.

My poor grandmother is lying on a ventilator in the hospital, and being my only remaining grandparent I am not feeling too comfortable with it.

On the same day that my Gran was admitted to the hospital, her sister who had been very ill also passed away and we couldn’t tell her because she was struggling to breathe as it is.

There was so much drama ensuing that you would think people would be subdued right?

Wrong!

While sitting at the hospital in the waiting area, we were asked:
Where is the venue?
What are you serving?
What are the colours?
Who is the cook?
Who is the planner?

And so on and on and on.

It’s actually a little disturbing that the SG have such empty lives that this is all that they know how to do.

You try and cut them off and they keep probing.

I have never been under so much scrutiny in my life!

My Fiancé and I took his parents to the hospital to visit my Gran and one of the members of the SG, watched me like a hawk. Actually; more like a creepy reptile would, at the point where it is about to attack you and paralyze you with some poisonous substance and make your death slow and painful.

It was like: “Come on little girl, do something wrong so I can pounce on you”.

Of course me being me, decided that it was best to just be myself, red pointy boots and tight skinny jeans included.

I do not do pretence so I am sure the SG are feeding off the flesh of my actions and words for the next few weeks.

What I cannot understand is why people are so blinded to the fact that life is so trivial.

One day you could be laughing and discussing veils with a friend, and the next you gone from the planet.

Is it really worth talking about others and being invasive and worrying about what they say or do or they way they act?

I know that every day that passes from now on, I will look at what is good and ensure that I enjoy the next 5 months I have left with my family planning my wedding. Because some people will never have the chance

The Announcement

I always pictured my life a little differently when all this would happen,

But I think that is because I watch way too much TV, you know where you announce that you are getting married and everyone gets all excited and tells you how amazing it is.

The reaction that I received was slightly different. My friends were naturally happy for me, I guess because they know me,

My work colleagues kind of upset me the most, because I got one of three reactions:
1 - Is the guy rich?
2 - Is it an arranged marriage?
3 - Are you pregnant?

Granted, I had never mentioned said guy before to anyone, but that is because I decided to keep my private life private. And what's wrong with that? I mean how many people are actually friends with the people that they work with?

But it was the comments that led me to wonder what their assumptions were of me, my family and my community.

So I was a materialistic female from a supressed background with whore like tendencies.......I was kind of hurt.I mean, I didnt even get a congrats from most of them.

I realised that regardless of the fact that I was from a open minded family and that I had gone to a good school and a had a University degree, dress like them, talk like them, and go to the same places that they do. I was not one of them.

By them I mean - Not Indian and definately Not Muslim,

Regardless of who I was, suddenly people were asking if I was going to change the way I dress and whether I would carry on working, once I was married.

I was trying to figure it out in my head? Why would you assume I would be any different?

Why was being a certain religion and culture so bad? I mean, my parents are normal people. They just follow a belief, like everyone else.

I am not gonna suddenly wear a veil over my face and sit at home and pop out kids! I was still going to become an award winning director and win an oscar one day!

What upset me even more was the assumption about my future husband. I mean, they judge him without knowing him. Poor guy. He loves how I dress and he supports my career 100%. We just two kids who fell in love.

On the other side of the fence I had the family.

Oh yes, that was another expereince all together

Reactions were:
1 - Finally!
2- So nice, I knew she would find someone eventually
3 - See! Every pot has its lid
4 - We use to pray for her, we so happy she finally found someone

I was all like: so there was something wrong with me all this time? Who knew??

It was as if I had finally achieved something in my life.

No one reacted this way when I graduated? Or when my first show went on air? Or when I got promoted?

It was like I was finally ok.

As I said previously. Cold water. Ice Cold water poured all over me,

I can see the world as it is and its very sad,

Why all this fixation on marriage as some sort of major life changing event?

I thought it was a union of two people that loved each other, saying: "We in this for the long haul"

And so I realised, that I had many challenges ahead of me

How it all began

Once upon a time my parents packed up their belongings and moved away from the Indian Community into a more affluent suburb.

I was 12 years old at the time

15 years later I met an amazing man who asked me to marry him, I said yes.

Except...........

15 years is a long time period of time and I forgot all about Indian Culture. And Muslim Culture.

It is a weird combination at the best of times. I mean, they don't even know which is which anymore.

But let's just say that it had the same effect on me that one might feel whne standing a beautiful frozen pond looking out at the sunset and suddenly the ice cracks and you plunged into ice cold water.

You see I never really ever thought that it would be such a shock to the system. I had seen my family, visited my grandmother in the Indian Community we had once lived in. Attended all family functions etc. So I thought I was in tune with how it all worked. But in truth I was very much out of it.

So this is my story. Of my Indian Muslim Wedding and how I will survive it.

Because even if no one ever reads it, at least it will keep me sane