Fear? ...............What Exactly??

While I may comment on the bizarre and entertaining aspects of my culture and religion, I have to say that there are certain things that are actually pretty awesome.

The week before my engagement people kept asking me if I was nervous. And I kept saying I was fine.

But the more people asked, the more I kept expecting that this nervous feeling should spring up at any point.

By the time the engagement arrived I was sitting around waiting for it to arrive, but nothing happened.

I prodded different emotions and thoughts trying to get this feeling going, but nothing was happening.

I began feeling like an emotionless freak!

Where were my nerves? Everyone else has nerves!!! I want my nerves dammit! I deserve nerves like everyone else!

I guess it was a case of wanting everything to feel exactly the way people say its going to be.

But that is the thing I has realized about life, things never feel the way it did for anyone else. Every experience is unique.

So I arrive at the engagement and its all delayed and stuff – that is a whole other story. This meant I had to chill at my cousins house till I got the green light. At this point I thought: “oooh, maybe now the nerves and excitement will kick in”

Nothing

I am an alien. I knew it all along. Any minute now my real race will come down in a zen like space ship and take me back to planet “Unruffled”. We will do yoga all day and spend hours meditating. Or maybe they just a bunch of stoners on this planet....

Anyway.........

I was worried. Why was I so calm????????

I got bored of worrying eventually and checked my awesome make up and hair and fluffed my beautiful designer dress. My picture got taken, I posed and had a merry old time.

Finally I arrive, and I am seated on this cool white couch awaiting the arrival of Lemon Sorbet aka My Fiancé.

When I saw him walk in I figured out why I was so calm.

I had nothing to fear. Because I knew he was the one, no doubts, no second guesses.

And part of the reason I had no doubts was because of this event itself.

He was going to put a ring on my finger in front of everyone that meant something to us.

I don’t have to fear he would leave or that it was hoax. I had nothing to fear because he was an honorable man, who is brave enough to say “She is the one” in front of our community, friends and gossip mongers.

He was real. This was real. And I could trust him.

While the one knee and ring scenario is very romantic, this to me; was more romantic.

It was like he had nothing to hide, no deceit, and all his love to share.

Tradition can be so tear jerking sometimes

Acceptance

I am bad at finishing what I start,

So regardless of how tired I am today, I am going to tell you a funny story of some sort

Since the reason that I am tired is because the 2010 World Cup has arrived and I work in the TV industry, and seems that everyone needs a video of some sort.

I therefore figured that I should talk to you about attracting what you wish for.

When we first heard that the World Cup was coming to South Africa. I told one of my colleagues that in 2010 I was going to get an engaged to a soccer player.

I had someone like Fernando Torres in mind you know, like most woman.

Funny Enough I did get engaged in 2010. And my Fiancé plays soccer but he is not famous.

In the same way, I am attracting all the things that I wanted, but not in the way that I imagined.

I am getting married to a great guy that accepts me for who I am. We have understanding and respect. And we have fun together.

We will have a beautiful wedding and a beautiful life,

But I really did not bank on all the issues that would come up along the way.

Like the fact that I will always be referred to as his wife. Example, X’s wife works as a Lawyer/Accountant/Teacher

Once you married its like you lost your identity. You no longer have a name

Well to the Indians anyway.

And if you buy a house, it will be X has bought a house. No mention of the wife paying half the bond.

Its amazing how our society has evolved so much but Men get the acknowledgement for everything. And no one says well done to the wife, who also works all day and then comes home to cook and clean and see to the kids on top of all of it.

I guess that my biggest lesson through all of this is acceptance.

And realizing that you can never survive unless you stop worrying about what everyone thinks

The lead up to the Engagement

The reason that I had to mention Ring Choosing Day and what it meant to me is because the next few weeks were really tough.

The planning of the engagement had commenced.

I gave my mum the freedom to do as she pleases. Because I trust mum and I know that she has great taste.

However it seems that everyone wanted to be involved suddenly and I let it be. I mean, I don’t mind that people want to get involved.

It was just that I so use to it being just me and my mum. Whenever there was any event at our house, we did it together.

It was overwhelming how excited everyone was about me getting engaged.

All this made me realize that no matter how I felt about things, or how I viewed life, or even what I stood for.

To the community I came from this was the biggest moment of my life, and they all wanted to be apart of it.

It’s strange but everyone wants a piece of the excitement.

I also know that I upset certain individuals. I mean how dare I ruin their favourite piece of gossip????

You see, I was 27 years old. And in Indian terms I was no longer even on the shelf. I was in the expiry bin!

And to add to it, I travel around the country with men! Alone!

I even stayed on my own for a while.

In other words, I was not the good muslim girl that decent boys marry.

And here I go and marry a guy from a good family. Who is also oh so handsome (Well to me anyway)

This was definitely a case of them getting egg on their face.

The sad truth was that I couldn’t even enjoy this tiny victory. The reason being that I just found it all so sad.

I don’t even find myself that interesting! And here I was the new topic of conversation and suddenly everyone wanted to know all the details of how we met etc

And here I was wondering how a simple conversation one Sunday night could cause so much to happen.

I suddenly understand why some people elope